Monday, December 23, 2019

Parenting a difficult child is also hard!



I had all sorts of thoughts on the difficult child. It was all about how we need to guide them and love them and teach them. I'd had hopes of telling you it was all about having patience and guiding them with love. As if I really have any say in how to do this! Ha. I’m right in the muck of it all!

I quickly changed my mind on the type of post this was going to be when the other night happened. We took our younger kids and the 15 year old out to the mall. We had plans for an outdoor event for Christmas but the weather was going to dip down into the teens and that’s just too dang cold for mom and our littlest lady. Mom needed one last present for dad at the mall and it took all of five minutes to accomplish. As I met back up with dad and the kids the two youngest were both carrying Disney stuffed animals. It seems dad was talked into some presents at the Disney store by the little girls. I’m sure it wasn’t hard for them do do, lol.
We gave $10 to the other two and they went off to spend it while momma grabbed up something she needed. As we were standing in line for my purchase our sweet 8 year old starts, well doing her, and carrying on because because she wants just one more thing. Girl already talked us into spending money we hadn’t really planned on in Disney on one more doll she didn’t really need. I’m telling you, once she gets started it isn’t really all that easy to make it stop. All the way to the car, all the way into the car and all the while waiting for dad to get to the car she’s still carrying on. All the while I’m talking to her about how this is taking the fun out of our night and how she’d already received something we hadn’t planned on and that we weren’t just going on a giant shopping trip all night at the mall.

When she starts it’s usually a whine then a cry, then screaming and the kicking of the feet starts. It’s just an all out, full force crazy pants fit. It usually escalates to all of us yelling and carrying on. It isn’t pretty! Like at all. Or fun. Or really effective. It’s something I’m working on. It’s no excuse, just the facts, that dad and I just can’t keep it together when she goes all out. It takes us to the ugly place. Girl has some stamina. Much more than we really do even if we fake it so she thinks we are still in control. Eeee! It’s awful.

I’ve tried it all. Patience, grounding, timeouts and taking things away. Girl literally asks me her punishment when I’m warning her like she’s weighing whether it’s worth the behavior. I’m at a loss at this point. I know we are in it for the long haul with this one. If I’ve learned anything as a parent it’s to keep going! We are staying the course but sometimes it’s just not an easy ride. More like we are on a bucking bronco and the ride is forever, not just 8 seconds!
Last night, as we were all in the car after her meltdown and some of her older siblings were fighting among themselves, I just felt defeated. Like completely drained and hopeless. I want to take my family out. I come up with all these ideas of ways to spend time together, do something fun and want to share the experiences with each other. It just feels so hard sometimes! Those moments can really just ruin the whole outing and the experience but how do I teach them to behave out and about if we all just stay home all the time?  How do I get her to just chill the heck out??

As I sat there drained, I had a moment like, “hmmmm, maybe this is it? Is this how people start a nervous breakdown?” I didn’t, thankfully, ha, ha. I’m rallied today but last night was just one of those definite downs in mothering. I’m still sitting here trying to figure out how to fix the issue. Maybe that’s what it’s all about? We had a horrible night and a defeatist moment last night, but today is a new day and we keep going. We start anew and try and figure it all out. We try something that might work and scratch the thing that isn’t working.

Parenting is exhausting. Those kind of days feel so long. The bad stuff seems to drag but before I know it these years will be finished and they’ll all be adults. I know this because I’m already there with two of them. I am vowing to keep my perspective, love my girl and help her figure out how to do life with her strong willed personality. We will try something else. I will look for all the books on how to stop yelling.  I

will lower my voice. We will try to limit devices and have none in the car and on family outings. We will always keep moving forward even if each foot is hard fought and super slow!

Mothering and parenting is not an easy ride. Our kids are all different. They don’t come with a manual unfortunately, but it’s our job to help them learn who they are, discover their personality and help them learn healthy ways to cope with their feelings. We need to help them to figure it all out so they can succeed when they are adults! I’m not saying teach them so their life will be smooth sailing. I’m talking about giving each of them the tools that works for their individual personalities. So, when life does get hard they will know how to deal the feelings and emotions in a way that works for them. It’s not fun sometimes. Sometimes you sit in the car, holding back tears, and feel defeated. Luckily, time and perspective our on our side and you can go pray, sleep it off and start again tomorrow! We are in this together! I see you! Parenting is not for the faint of heart or weak willed!!

While, I might be feeling better and ready to try again, I’m asking you if you might have any ideas for me? Help me keep the family peace in outings with these strong personalities! Show me the way to more calm and less chaos! Give me all the ideas to more quiet and less yelling! Leave them down below for me!! All of us parents need to help each other! What works for you? Help a fellow momma out!

Until next time.

Love, Mykin

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